< Late next morning he got out of bed, and thought he heard laughter. A peculiar laughing; sort of hollow, echoing - not really describable. He ran his bath and went downstairs to put the kettle on. There it was again, outside. The phone rang, he went over to the wall and lifted the handset.
"Hello?" he said.
"Martin? Look out your window." She sounded frightened.
"What for? A streetful of cars?"
"No no... just do it!"
"Jane, I've just come down, the bath's running. I'm hardly conscious yet."

He put the phone down and walked back to the boiling kettle. A great laugh came from outside the back door. So he pulled the blind up on the kitchen window. He stared incredulously. Snakes! Three massive ninety foot long colourful snakes, one dangling from the cherry tree, swinging to and fro. One on the grass, head up and one hanging over the back wall. All laughing like crazy, great jaws wide open, snake tongues flapping. He ran to the front window and pulled the curtain, and stared with amazement again. The street was covered in great snakes, laughing and writhing all over the cars, the pavements and roads.

The bath!... Water was pouring down the stairs. He ran up and turned off the taps. He pulled the plug and let some run off, then ran to the bedroom window and opened the curtains. Looking out, he took in what he'd seen from downstairs.
"What on earth is happening?" he said.
He went to the phone and dialled the emergency number, just as a gaping snake's mouth looked from the small fire place, laughing like a drunk hyena. He kicked at it, and pushed a hefty twelve inch high ebony elephant his mother had left him, up against the opening. He was put through to the police.
"There's giant snakes, all around me. What's going on?"
"It's the laughing anacondas sir. They're everywhere. Please stay indoors and remain calm, we're doing our best."
"Where've they all come from, they weren't here yesterday?"
"It's all to do with the ufo, sir."
"What ufo?"
"The airforce found this three kilometre space anaconda in orbit round the earth. Attracted by the lights, they said."
"Yes, and then what?"
"Well, apparently, it gave birth to millions of eggs over the UK..."
"Eggs!"
"Yes sir. As they dropped, some got cooked and burned up. Others hatched quickly and the survivors, not being used to breathing air, got over oxygenated and can't stop laughing."
"But they're plaguing my home, officer."
"The RSPCA are doing their best sir. We can only ask you to be patient. Our hands are full with the problem at the moment, sir."

He put the phone down and made a cup of tea, then sat by the front window to watch a large van with RSPCA on it pull up across the road. 'Retrieve Snakes Particularly Crazy Anacondas,' he read aloud from under the intitials. A loudspeaker on the top whistled with feedback, then announced, "Please stay indoors, keep pets with you. We advise you to stay in one room with windows shut whilst we catch as many as we can. Thank you."
"Damn it, I'm going to have my bath. No crazy anaconda is stopping that," he said defiantly.

He went round the house shutting the windows, and lit the gas fire to drive them out of the chimney. Then to the bathroom to relax in bubbly scented bathsalts with a good warm soak. He blotted out the laughter outside and drifted off. Well almost.

Suddenly there was a laugh, seemingly right in front of his face. He awoke and opened his eyes and screamed as he saw big snake eyes staring into his. Its mouth wide open, and the stench. Oh! what a pong! He turned slightly to one side and noticed its great length had sidled through the top window he'd forgotten to shut. Forty feet must have been in the room with him! It twirled its mass round his wet naked body It lifted him clear of the water. Then dashed him down. He gasped a lungful of scented salty water. He vomited over the snake as it lifted him again. It tightened its grip, now curled round him more than three times. He struggled to take a breath. He choked with the salt irritation, his eyes closed by the stinging. He lost control of himself, unable to direct even a finger movement as it thrashed him around the room. His only useful sense was his hearing, listening to that incessant laughter blocking out all other sound. The bathroom cabinet went flying. Windows were smashing. The toilet pan smashed with a bang, then the sink next to it. The walls and ceiling were soaked in splashed bathwater, the floor and mats were awash. He managed to open an eye, then both to see the great beast as it stilled, now holding him upright. Its mighty mouth wide open like an unlit tunnel. Teeth like white stones on the side of the road highlighting the passage he was about to take. The eyes transfixed him as they drew slowly closer, closer. Then there was a crash as the bathroom door flew apart.
"Stay still sir, we're here!"
He thought, stay still - the fools - I can't flippin' breath, let alone move. The creature had eyes only for Martin and was not to be distracted from its first earth feed.
"Sir, we going to electrocute it, and you with it I'm afraid. We'll resuscitate you immediately - don't worry."
He couldn't respond, squeezed almost to oblivion in the scaly grip. Then came the shock. His head seemed to explode; tingling like a billion swords jabbing his entire being.

He became aware of a spinning room. Faces over him. A mask was on his face and he was being forced to breathe. He came round and struggled sideways to vomit. Then he was rushed from the house into an ambulance.

While recovering in hospital he set his mind on astronomical matters. He hadn't believed in the theory of wormholes in space. But now, together with the previous observations at work, he would postulate that there are most definitely... snakeholes!

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